Why do I stumble so much
I think I have cracked why I stumble so much because I am still stuck with my buggered body/. as if any more proof were needed,
that I am still buggered well my body is still, lagging behind my brain and yes I did say that I have a brain.
And my brain is even faster than my body. Well. i am being factually incorrect here, because my body is lagging behind my brain, but it is because of my brain .
so in reality I am still getting used to my new body and its limitations the brain has placed it on it as where I could just do without thinking and I cannot do the things without thinking any more,
for example when I go to turn quickly to my left I need to ensure my left foot is not incompletely turned out to the left because if it is not completely turned out, I could, and do stumble over it because it is not in an advantageous position for me to complete my turn
y and the rule
Is it any wonder I a am so obsessed with my running just now because it is the only aspect of my life that I have sole control over, and when I think about the other important aspects of an individual’s life, such as that of a career or a significant relsationsjhip with another, then I appear to have ceded all control to someone else, hence why I am addicted to my running which is solely dependent on me
THE RULE OF THIRDS
If we consider a life to be equivalent to the time on a 24 hour clock divided into 8 hour segments or thirds then one third of one’s life, is spent sleeping . And if you extend this out to one’s life then it means by the time you are 30 then you have slept for ten years. I find this quite an arresting thought
and then you have your daytime life where you are hopefully reaping the fruits of your free will and if we consider just those times when we are truly acting out of our own free will . and only including those times as opposed to just following the norms of our, parents choices or their preconceptions as to what they think is best for us such as schooling and university
and who can forget John dunnes quote no man is an.island but that is entirely different to ceding responsibility for the decisions one makes
but i am still most definitely going to be verbally inappropriate
My word I am not going to be cripple any more which I mostly expected I would-be but now I know that I absolutely am not going to be any more; but I still seem to be needing to prove myself to everyone I encounter and this is where I feel I I need to ask you to read my chapter on being an archaeologist – where i talk about having had the correct neural pathways once before and all I am needing to do is to excavate them, and my physical rehab has been so much easier to quantify,
but in essence my physical rehab has allowed me to get to the point where I need to use my cognitive pathways . for instance today I was in my favourite cafe and I had to remember the names of all of the waitressing staff and I could arrange to meet someone I needed to discuss with about lecture I was going to be giving . so, this is why my physical rehab has been so vital to my cognitive rehab
but I still need someone else to love and to be able to think about if for nothing else to take my mind off myself and my god I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that I am just so boring
I have been told by a chap in the swimming pool how well, I have done and I do not really know him he is just a chap who has been coming to the pool for quite a while and has indirectly seen my progress that I have made and he said to me that I need to keep up all of my exercises that i have been undoubtedly doing, and he too said to me that many people would not have come so far with their recovery and this chimes with what my school friends and mother said to me , now:
my mother knows me pretty well and she was a nurse and despite this was fairly practical and appropriate, and sensible and I was quite surprised when she said to me that it was only because of my dogged determination that I have come so far.
as where I cannot think everyone in the same circumstance would have done similarly
Exercise and depression
muscles, fat cells, and liver release a variety of molecules into the bloodstream. Some of these molecules which circulate through the body and where they can cross the blood-brain barrier. Once inside, they trigger a cascade of beneficial changes that can make one feel sharper and happier: one crucial change is the release of a growth hormone called brain-derived neurotrophic factor, or BDNF. When it comes to exercise’s positive effects on the brain, BDNF is first and foremost.
And there is always the Chicken and egg argument delivered by those couch potatoes i.e. is it the exercise on its own per se or is it just the mere fact of doing something that one enjoys that leads to the improvements in mood and memory .
our brains are like a spiders web of connections with links between different parts of the web and these links allow the brain to combine what we are seeing with what we are moving with our hands, all the while whilst listening to our kids squabbling over the remote control and it is the BDNF that is responsible for strengthening these connections, ‘hence the runners high ‘ and this leads me onto another benefit of the connections between different areas of the brain – and the more one practices using these connections then the more strongly they are held or formed ; so what this means is it is important to do exercise as well as practice the executive functions of the brain – it is a little bit like trying to grow grass without any fertiliser and in this analogy the EDNF IS equivalent to the fertiliser; and which connections are strengthened are all dependant on us, so returning, to the grass analogy if we want there to be a very good covering of grass next to the house then we will need to ensure we put a lot of seed there , and if you want to ensure your memory retains its clarity then you will need to practice using this and I am almost proof positive that this can be achieved because this is exactly what has happened me. My slate was essentially wiped clean or it was definitively removed from me. but the cleanliness of my slate must be considered under review , because I am Australian , assuming I still have any slate left to me and I am tempted to title this post the runners high and grass growing because I am pretty certain that the thought police would not be too happy with this
Is this all a human life is?: can it be just reduced to wistful contemplation because. sure, I have clearly not died i am pretty certain there are no such things as ghosts well certainly not ones that can type. I guess I am feeling like that is all I have now is my memories because liv has made it plainly clear to me that there is no going back
I have recently been presenting my story and how it was that I have come to be so much of a doughnut and how my family were told by the supposed exerts that I would end up not a lot better than a dodgy Brussel sprout and how it was that I lost everything that was dear to me dear to me.
First there was my wife and my family and career but not in one foul swoop and how it is I have come to be so and this presentation has got me to thinking about all of these things that I have lost and sure they are not completely removed from me but it is so far from what I ever thought I would have when I had a family and I cannot really hope for any more than wistful contemplation but it does Make me think because liv and i were so close, and given that is all I have now is this wistful contemplation . but it does make, me think is this all we are is it just memories of times past and in essence I have had the absolute marvellous opportunity to experience death and the second coming but without the beard and the walking on water , or any other adulation and so it is i have been given the chance to die to all of my loved ones but also to come back from death with my memories of what was , and to think about what I had, and perhaps this is all one can expect to have is to give ones children or loved ones memories of what is possible or achievable – and it is here that lies immortality
Not everyone is perfect not everyone remembers everything every time. and there are times when everyone forgets their mug of coffee and i have been thinking each of these small slip ups are emblematic of my brain injury and not everyone remembers everything very time and do I not know that given my unwanted experience of the scarers and and given my sense of humour i would just love to see the shiver ruining down their spine as thry read this