Exercise and depression
muscles, fat cells, and liver release a variety of molecules into the bloodstream. Some of these molecules which circulate through the body and where they can cross the blood-brain barrier. Once inside, they trigger a cascade of beneficial changes that can make one feel sharper and happier: one crucial change is the release of a growth hormone called brain-derived neurotrophic factor, or BDNF. When it comes to exercise’s positive effects on the brain, BDNF is first and foremost.
And there is always the Chicken and egg argument delivered by those couch potatoes i.e. is it the exercise on its own per se or is it just the mere fact of doing something that one enjoys that leads to the improvements in mood and memory .
our brains are like a spiders web of connections with links between different parts of the web and these links allow the brain to combine what we are seeing with what we are moving with our hands, all the while whilst listening to our kids squabbling over the remote control and it is the BDNF that is responsible for strengthening these connections, ‘hence the runners high ‘ and this leads me onto another benefit of the connections between different areas of the brain – and the more one practices using these connections then the more strongly they are held or formed ; so what this means is it is important to do exercise as well as practice the executive functions of the brain – it is a little bit like trying to grow grass without any fertiliser and in this analogy the EDNF IS equivalent to the fertiliser; and which connections are strengthened are all dependant on us, so returning, to the grass analogy if we want there to be a very good covering of grass next to the house then we will need to ensure we put a lot of seed there , and if you want to ensure your memory retains its clarity then you will need to practice using this and I am almost proof positive that this can be achieved because this is exactly what has happened me. My slate was essentially wiped clean or it was definitively removed from me. but the cleanliness of my slate must be considered under review , because I am Australian , assuming I still have any slate left to me and I am tempted to title this post the runners high and grass growing because I am pretty certain that the thought police would not be too happy with this
Is this all a human life is?: can it be just reduced to wistful contemplation because. sure, I have clearly not died i am pretty certain there are no such things as ghosts well certainly not ones that can type. I guess I am feeling like that is all I have now is my memories because liv has made it plainly clear to me that there is no going back
I have recently been presenting my story and how it was that I have come to be so much of a doughnut and how my family were told by the supposed exerts that I would end up not a lot better than a dodgy Brussel sprout and how it was that I lost everything that was dear to me dear to me.
First there was my wife and my family and career but not in one foul swoop and how it is I have come to be so and this presentation has got me to thinking about all of these things that I have lost and sure they are not completely removed from me but it is so far from what I ever thought I would have when I had a family and I cannot really hope for any more than wistful contemplation but it does Make me think because liv and i were so close, and given that is all I have now is this wistful contemplation . but it does make, me think is this all we are is it just memories of times past and in essence I have had the absolute marvellous opportunity to experience death and the second coming but without the beard and the walking on water , or any other adulation and so it is i have been given the chance to die to all of my loved ones but also to come back from death with my memories of what was , and to think about what I had, and perhaps this is all one can expect to have is to give ones children or loved ones memories of what is possible or achievable – and it is here that lies immortality
Not everyone is perfect not everyone remembers everything every time. and there are times when everyone forgets their mug of coffee and i have been thinking each of these small slip ups are emblematic of my brain injury and not everyone remembers everything very time and do I not know that given my unwanted experience of the scarers and and given my sense of humour i would just love to see the shiver ruining down their spine as thry read this
Living with and living through and i have lived through the trauma but now I am living with it well unsurprisingly it is the latter that is by far the worst and there is the long interminable . continuance of a life that I just do not think I should be living but worse than that it is s a life that I do not want to have to be live it is not just the separation from my friends and family it is the relative isolation from them all.
now I am from Australia . where I grew up and it is here that my real friends are. Those who really know me and who I am and more importsnly,
know where I came from: and
it is strange. I am always told I need to look forwards but it is one’s history that predicates one’s future or at least one’s reactions in the future and it is this that drives me forwards trying to ensure my life’s travail’s do not impact too much on my children , but it is a great thanks I must give thanks to my wife for ensuring toy are still lively but tht would be massive understatement or a very great misrepresentation of the facts
Lts hesr it for men
Now given everything that is swirling around in the news at the moment and the social media given feminism and the LGBT movement , well you may be mistaken To think men are truly subservient or worse of secondary importance as opposed to being the glue tht sticks everything together in more ways than just one ; and this is the purpose of this piece or it could be argued it is a cry for the facts to come out or for them to be a little bit more widely appreciated and sure I can hear you all say
I am just An Australian chauvinist but this is purely factual and only the fats will be recorded here.
Well there is s strong movement to remove the role of men at present such that a man must earn the money for the family and also be the shoulder to cry on for his wife and also he, must cook and clean,
and look after the kids as well as earning the family income
now from the moment one has their first child: all of the warning signs are present in the delivery room for all to see and men ignore these at your peril : well at my first born I was directed to the corner of the delivery suite by the mad- wife whose sole concern was to ensure I was properly and rightly denigrated for putting your wife into this this position now I am no expert in this because I was just a lowly intensive care consultant as opposed to an obstetric and gynaecology consultant but I am pretty certain that she had a small or significant role to play in creating this disaster. now from then on it goes from distinctly bad to quite definitely worse, as if you thought that could be at all possible as firstly you get to see your wife cry out in pain and fear and then meanwhile all you can hear between all of the yelling in a very confined hospital room is the mad-wife glowering at you for all that you have done to your wife who is presently wailing like a banshee and as you get to the end of this oncoming train crash you are still quite nervous, not just for your wife but also for your unborn child as well and all you can think of, are all of the I previous disasters that you have been called to as a doctor . and then as if this were not enough the aforementioned mad-wife then asks you if you want to come to the business end of the proceedings of your wife and cut the chord but no should come the answerbecauase you want to remember how it was as oposed to being left with any memories of how it is as if you did not have enough mental scarring of the day’s events. Now I was very certain I do not want to be left with any more mental scars. and then your wife rolls over and says I want another one not realising the abject terror you have just gone through. And compounding it all are all of the friends and relatives who focus on just your wife and are practically ignoring you like apiece of chewing gum on the pavement because for years and months at lest you will still have the mental scars of which your wife is blissfully ignorant of your terror and once again you are required to stand strong. As if nothing had happened it all was just like a normal day , and heaven help the husband who does not show some sort of solidarity with his blissfully ignorant wife a who gets all of the ayurvedic head massages I mean just how many heads can one person have. And most t importantly you do not want the head fixed but you want the business end all returned to some semblance of normality or beauty
Now I have been told my old job is not the same anymore and I have come to the conclusion that it is not for me but not only that i do not , want to do it anymore but I want to do something else that gives me a sense of achievement and as Socrates said the examined life is not worth living but I can tell him for absolutely nothing : that the constantly re-examined life is not much chop either now what I want is my field of dreams because it seems that all I Have is a barren patch of land with some decidedly hazy and sketchy memories
Being a doctor
Now I feel I need to strike a very small note for the NHS who in more ways than one has been responsible for me being here today and more than almost anyone are responsible for making me who I am today and I am not trying pass the buck here or pass the blame but I think even I need to accept a modicum of responsibility for me ; and also it is all too easy to denigrate all of he NHS but in reality if it were not for the staff who do and love what they do and very often go above and beyond what their work contrasts say they should’ be doing then and only then would the whole NHS grind to a halt , and and this too is why i intensely dislike all of those union officials yoou hear on the news, such as bob crow to name but one
and I remember vividly being a junior house doctor running around the wards with white coat and pagers And pens hanging off me and when it comes too attire well you Had all the bloke standing on a ward round in their long sleeved shirt and tie and essentially sweltering in the heat of the hospital corridors and then you had all of the female junior doctors who could swan in to work in a t-shirt and flipflops but so long as the t-shirt had some accoutrements such as a sequin or two then that could be considered smart . but we had to wear leather soled shoes and shirt and tie . and a consultant siting us all down to congratulate all of us on our first step to a long and productive career and then the same consultant saying to all of us that having lots of pagers was not a sign of importance – in fact it was quite the opposite the opposite and also having an ever so slightly hang dog appearance from working the night before, and listening attentively to the consultant who was dispensing his or her words of wisdom and then there was the outright unbridled fear at doing ones first night on call and realising that you were essentially the back stop for all of the patients in in the hospital
and this is where consultants fell in to two brackets there were those who ruled by fear and loathing and then thre were those who were just being bloody good and nice people
And I also I remember Being a registrar in anaesthetics and the feeling you had when you turned up to the next patient who was in a bit of a state snd all the other junior doctors turned to you looking with a significant degree of relief that you were there and would take charge and everything would be ok and also I remember there were the surgical registrars and senior house officers who were the complete opposite who turned up invariably with a significant degree of self-importance matched only by their lack of understanding of their very own patient and my goodness they were about as useful as a seamstress at a Velcro convention and at any emergency situation they were similarly useful.
and I do appreciate i am giving the surgeons a bit of a tough time here and it is not for me to speculate about their reasons for becoming surgeons but very quickly i realised that it would be quite useful to be able to put everything back together again after you had chopped out whatever bit of offending body part it was that you were removing and so a significant part of your training was directed to stitching everything back together again but i could not be bothered with all of that i was far more interested in diagnosing the origin of a patients illness rather than stitching everything back together again I mean I was not a seamstress and as I ever so slowly I rose up the training ladder of intensive care and anaesthetics ; well I think it was a very comprehensive training where one felt like one could do everything that the consultants were doing and i to remember becoming a consultant which necessitated an interview with 10 or 11 people all sitting around a table snd I was not exactly sure how I was supposed took at everyone when you were giving your answers
and I do remember the patient who we had collectively saved his life so that on intensive care unit all he could say was that how unhappy he was that the surgeons had not sewn up his skin exactly so that the huge out stretched wings of an eagle tattooed to his chest were uneven , and the irony that he could even complain was somewhat lost on this fellow, but I did not expect this to be otherwise anyway sand. this was consistent with my teaching on another teaching ward round by a lovely consultant who said to us all what do you think about when you see a tattoo, and he said you want to think about was hepatitis C and low IQ and so began my intense dislike for any tattoo’s
ok and also I remember cocking up completely and I was rushing around like all of the other junior doctors did and I was working on a cardiology ward where we had all of the patients coming in with infective endocarditis; which meant we had to prescribe a small truck load antibiotics for each patient and I remember gathering up every patient’s t drug chart on the ward becsausae this was the most time efficient way to do all of the drug prescriptions for each patient and I remember having the chart for one patient and i thought it was for another patient and I prescribed penicillin despite there being in very large red ink warning allergic to penicillin , and thank god the nurses had begun their drug round late
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