summary o my wrist slitting years



the incident The past and



Wow  and bloody hell it is almost 10 years  since my moment of madness I mean 10 years  YEARS.  Since I was standing on the start line in my gimp suit with a whole heap of  of  other rubber gimps lined up on the start line   of the triathlon I mean there I was  an NHS  consultant in intensive care medicine and  the associate professor of medical  law and ethics , and a happily married man and father to three children;  all  it took was 5 seconds or  less probably  for me to have my cycling accident   and sure   I effectively died indeed I did on the operating table  when I had  a   cardiac  arrest and the anaesthetist  a friend and colleague  had  to get out the   defibrillator for me  when i somewhat unexpectedly   decided  to cheek he was awake still and I  had a  had a cardiac arrest.


 and the intervening period of time

and in the intervening period I have had to witness the loss of myself as an independent at and  private adult   and  the loss of my wife and my life : and  I  was   seemingly helpless  to it all   to  what  was  going on  In front of me ; because I was effectively in  a   locked in state like a dispassionate,  or disinterested observer  watching a  a raging bull or an  unstoppable and uncontrollable force. Raging through the embers of my life




and  oh yes as if this  was  not  enough I got to witness the loss of myself as I  knew him to be and the loss of my career which was not just a career but  it was a vocation  for me indeed it was my whole essence,  and as much as it was my personal identity my career  and   this catalogue  of tragedies was all   witnessed by a succession of  well-meaning strangers, to whom  am incredibly grateful  t and indeed   as  I sit here  even now 10 years on  at my computer writing this f I am still welling up  with  tears as I  think about the wrist slitting summary of  my life.

 The future

and now. only now  i  feel I am back to myself  but only just  I  am endeavouring to  carve out   a new-life well one that  has  any meaning   for  me   a life that is centred on helping others or in a way that has some significance to  them  such as giving a series of  inspirational lectures and becoming a life coach  but now  I am ready to  face my next challenge .ie one were i  return to   a meaningful existence ; and  not just existing . my god I believe in a meritocracy, and I am bloody determined to get back to  some sort of emeritus life, or  a life worthy  of merit.  as much f or me and slso firjny kids brecsuse   it is essential to lead by  example  



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