my son my club politeness and me and tears

Time I am totally confused by time it now seems  to race on ahead of me  and surprise surprise it is addictive as  well and I  am    the dating scene which just absolutely amazes me  how little  respect   people have  for themselves they  just  need to take care of themselves and have  some respect   and   quite  clearly they do not have any for their own bodies , but how can  one  hope or expect to  find  a life partner who  does not respect themselves.

 

And so  many people who keep telling me that I should be happy because I  am no longer a   brain dead  Brussel sprout  but when I  was a Brussel sprout I was completely unaware of my circumstances. I   would  I have been happy to  die   now this is quite incorrect and  I would have not known about it anyway ; so two fingers up to  all of those buggers who say I should  be happy with that, and  how happy  I should be with  how  far I   have come  and know I am thinking of slightly more strident or colourful language  but even I cannot bring myself to use the  c word which I just find absolutely disgusting as I do  the middle finger gesture : but I  am quite happy to  use the  two finger gesture   for which I    just   see as a  laugh a bit of light- hearted derision  and so, I blame my father in law  or this  because   he bet me 50 pounds that  he would Donate to any charity    when I  could give him the two finger  salute; and much ,much worse than this,   I also remember my  poor  poor  poor  wife coming up to hospital to  see me with my son who  both attempted  to get  my club working  again  and my son under  the guise of my  wife  attempted to get my  arm working   again  by    tempting me with some dark chocolate on the opposite side of  a small table   from me,   and I  cannot tell you how I wished so hard  so enormously hard and even now when I think about how much  wished I  could move anything at  all just to  show them  they were really helping me   to  just be  able to move my arm at all or  my fingers ; and when   AGAIN after I had completely failed AGAIN to move anything   all;  how close to tears I  was. After they left: well even now I am so close to tears just writing it all down

Indeed I was at the very difficult  time to take  the decision  I may have to ask that my wife  did  not bring my son up  the next time because I was so  disappointed,  at  not being able to  do anything again for them, and I just hatred at failing again in front of my son.

 

 

And , so  many people who keep telling me that I should be happy because I  am no longer a   brain dead  Brussel sprout  but when I  was a Brussel sprout I was completely unaware of my circumstances. I   would  I have been happy to  die  and anyway I would have not known about it anyway ; so two fingers up to  all of those buggers who say I should  be happy with that and  how happy  I should be with  how  far I   have come  and know I am thinking of slightly more strident or colourful language  but even I cannot bring myself to use the  c word which I just find absolutely disgusting as I do  the middle finger gesture : but I  am quite happy to  use the  two finger gesture  which I  see as  just  a  laugh a bit of light- hearted derision  and so, I blame my father in law  or this  because  th he bet me 50 pounds that  he would Donate to any charity    when I  could give him the two finger  salute; and much ,much worse than this,   I also remember my  poor  wife coming up to hospital to  see me with my son who  both attempted  to get  my club working  again  and my son under  the guise of my poor poor  wife  attempted to get my  arm working   again used  to tempt me with some dark chocolate on the opposite side of  a small table   from me,   and I  cannot tell you how I wished so hard  so enormously hard and even now when I think about how much  wished I  could move anything at  all just to  show them  they were really helping me   to  just be  able to move my arm at all or  my fingers ; and when   AGAIN after I had completely failed AGAIN to move anything   all;  how close to tears I  was. After they left: well even now I am so close to tears just writing it all down

Indeed I was at the very difficult  time to take decision of thinking I may have to ask that my wife  did  not bring my son up  the next time because I was so  disappointed,  at  not being able to  do anything again for them, and I just hatred at failing again in front of my son.

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