wistful contemplation

Wistful contemplation

Is this all a human life    is?:  can it be just reduced to wistful contemplation because. sure, I have clearly not died i am pretty certain there are no such things as ghosts well certainly not ones that can type.  I guess I am feeling like  that is all I have now is my memories  because liv has made it  plainly clear to  me that there is  no going back

I have recently been presenting my story and how it  was that  I have come to be so   much of a doughnut  and  how my family were told by the supposed exerts that I would end up not a lot better than a dodgy Brussel  sprout      and how  it was that I lost everything that was dear to me dear to me.

First there   was  my wife and my family and career   but  not in  one foul  swoop    and how it is  I have come  to be so and this presentation has  got me to  thinking about all of these things  that I have lost and sure  they are not completely removed from me but it is so far from what I ever thought I  would have when I had a family and I cannot really  hope for any more than wistful contemplation but it does Make me think because liv and i were so close,  and    given that is all I have now   is this  wistful contemplation . but it does make, me think is this  all we   are   is it just memories of times   past and in essence I have had the absolute marvellous opportunity to experience death and the  second coming but without the beard  and  the walking on water ,  or any other adulation and so it is i have  been  given the   chance to die to all of my loved ones   but also to  come back from death     with my memories of what was , and to  think about what  I had, and perhaps this is all one can  expect to have is  to give ones children or loved ones memories of what is possible or achievable – and it is here that lies immortality

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