i have just come back from Holiday in Australia trying desperately to live in the moment
But it is my lack of contentment that I feel so keenly and I cannot Work out is it what I have lost or what I. STILL I do not have and I can tell you it is not want of trying. or perhaps overlying it all is the huge uncertainty I have about my future but I keep being told I should be happy to at least have. A future to. Think. About. But I am here now: and I am not ever going back to my Brussels sprout phase, not ever, and neither am i continuing on this path of boredom
and my god I do not know how the Buddhists do it, it is a little bit like meditation , which you may be surprised to read I could never do either because the whole emptying your mind bit really got me, because by the time I had come to the end of my meditation session I was so highly strung thinking about everything that I was trying to empty but given that I have quite literally emptied most of my mind on to a road side and the surgical bucket of detritus . so perhaps I should give it another go especially as I have so little to empty just now.