i have just come back from Holiday in Australia   trying desperately to live in the moment

But  it is my lack of contentment that I  feel so keenly  and I cannot   Work out is it what I have lost  or  what I. STILL I do not have   and I can tell you  it is not    want of  trying.  or perhaps  overlying it all  is the huge uncertainty I have about my future  but I keep being told  I  should be happy to at least have. A future to. Think. About. But I am here now: and I   am not ever going back to my Brussels sprout phase, not ever, and neither am i continuing on this path of boredom



and my god  I do not know how the Buddhists do it, it is a little bit like meditation , which you may be surprised to read I could never do either  because  the whole emptying your mind bit  really got me,   because by the time I had  come  to the end of my meditation session I was so highly strung thinking about everything that I was trying to  empty but given that I have quite literally emptied most of my mind on to  a road side and the  surgical bucket of detritus . so perhaps I should give it another go especially as I have so little to empty just now.

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