the mole and the massive cow pat

An apology
Now for anyone I have offended with my blog such as using the term cripple to describe myself but I hasten to add it is me who I am describing and you pl must please renumber I essentially went to bed slightly nervous about the triathlon the following day and I was married with a family and a career. And
and also i had a body that was pretty good at endurance sports such that I won a couple of triathlon’s I also I had a body that was pretty useful and could turn its hands to almost any sport and again I had won a couple of underage tennis tournaments. and so it was I came back to existence in a fog of delirium in a hospital bed and there was no instant. Or Moment that I could recall that my previous life was ended or a single ,moment it was all slowly erased from me
but instead what I had has been a slow drip drip of internable moments of clarity as skills and attributes were taken from me I and there seems to be nothing I can do to get them back and they are still continuing to be slowly removed from me and despite it being an instantaneous thing that had happened to me the slow dawning realisation is just so exhausting. And i can feel the anger because all of my most consistent anxieties are dependent on the emotions of others and they seem to be Completely out of my control such as a new relationship or even a new job and each of these seem to be not so much dependant on what I have achieved. but more so to be a dependant on what it is perceived I can do or will be able to do as opposed to what I have done and this rather inelegantly describes why I said recently I feel like a mole i.e. someone who has done all of his work hidden away from everyone else and pokes his head up invariably through a massive cow pat as he surveys the horizon

this just reflects how stupid I have been by not being able to anticipate everything that would be removed from me such as my married life and may career

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