sheer terror

i have pangs of guilt and remorse that I am becoming  accustomed  or accepting  of my  straightened times, up until now I  have been literally fighting  all of my obstacles  , and I am so worried that I am just  losing the battle to win or the impetus to win where  victory would be a return to my old life where I had a respected job where I was helping people  and there is still such     a long way  I need to go  to get anywhere  close to  where  I       was before I had my accident and just I  am  at such a loss  and that I             have  thrown  my life away  in an instant on that triathlon and people talk of life changing  circumstances  and although mine was not a full stop to my life I quite often  feel  it  may  of well of been

and i do not know how much of my complacency is the realisation   of      what exactly are, my weaknesses and I have just found  a way to  deal with them  or more correctly  how  to work around them   and my processes of  dealing with hem  are so effective that I  no longer have any impetus to  deal with them

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