bipolar perhaps??!!!

Am I  forever to be defined by my mistake ; by  god I guess I am going to  be thus but I am just fighting so  hard to ensure my family  will not be defend by my mistake as well  and I sometimes just find myself so removed from their lives ,and all chances of me ever being able lie back with their mother  and think about how well they have all done at school  snd talking about what they are up to on the coming day and who they are dating  and then there is the more personal things such as   when i get cancer or liv does  and these  are the things that keep me awake in the morning  and also i keep thinking  how lucky i am  to still  be living in falifornia ;  so it is not all   doom and gloom I am being  just slightly  schizophrenic or [perhaps more correctly bipolar but I  guess this  would imply I  have two halves to my brain   but  I am  pretty certain I  do not have more than  one half  and that half  is    thinking that each day in falifornia is almost better than  the last   at the moment  because we are truly  having  a   fantastic run of great weather at the moment  and it is actually a run  and not a sprint in that it is more than  just three days  of good weather


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