Now I do not know how long I am  going to be living in this living hell where I can pretty much do everything but it is so inelegant   as much as any Australian can  be described as Being elegant  and lacks any spontaneity such that  I had my kids over to  stay for the afternoon and all. They wanted to do was to play in the park which involved just playing your it and all I could do was to mostly just watch  because I was  so  worried about falling over  and I was limping so badly, because whenever I try to do  anything spontaneous my left  knee stiffens up  so much   and it leaves me walking with an extremely bad limp like Jake the peg which is also  done so  slowly , and ungainly and then there is my normal  walking which i  am told is  pretty good and if I really concentrate  I think it is definitely pretty good but I feel I am walking like someone who is walking on a  tight rope; i.e I am wavering all over the place and because of my  self-perceived  wavering I am feeling like I  am having to walk so carefully  and this is all accentuated when I  am walking on areas where there may  be obstacles , such as in a park with lots of children , and so it goes that to the adults who know  me apparently   must  appear somewhat of a success  but all  I want is to  be able to  do is to play   with my kids

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