loss

i do not think I properly grieved for my wife and my family that I  lost and some one else came along that I met  whom i felt would have been perfect for me  , and she has said  in no uncertain terms that she  is not interested in me  and I know it is only her  that  I have lost but  I cannot help but pour  my feelings  that I  should have had for liv into  this person   and I m quite sure Freud and his band of psychologists s would  have had  field day with  this ,  and  I am sure there is  a multisyllabled word for describing this but  despite this I   am feeling quite down just now and more so in the past – I just feel hurt ,. And  also I feel An obligation  be remotely upbeat for all of the people who have helped me along the way  and these can  include the people  at the reception desk of the  hotel gym   because she always smiles  at  me