changing lives self flagellation and an ocean of regrets

regularly i am told that  everyone’s life changes as they move through  their life  but at least for most people their changing life  is in degrees and small steps  where they have had some time to deal with their newly constrained straights as where for me I have  instantaneously been resurrected  into a limping mental cripple  but again there I  go calling myself a cripple but  I used to have  an  effing superb memory for facts and random information and hang on  there I  go again trying to pretend i do not  swear  , I mean as  after all I  am Australian. And if nothing else my memory has improved with some stupendously embarrassing practice ; but even this chocolate oven glove of a brain  can learn but by god it has been   stupefyingly   embarrassing ; and there  is my determination to revive  some sort of life for myself , and in many ways  it has been this aspect of my personality that has been he single most important aspect and obviously there has  been my wife and kids who have been a   constant inspiration  to me  to help me on my tortuous and  embarrassing road to recovery    and for an  incredibly brief Nano -second I rarely feel a tinge of excitement that i may just be starting on the  threshold  of  a new path but i need  a compass or i am just going to remain flailing about on an ocean of regrets and self  flagellation