existential boredom

goodness I have just become so soppy  and  so  sensitive   because I see hidden meaning in  everything that I see such as

when I see a van driving by with  a sign on it  from   an area where my old hospital was and this makes me think of my old life i have just thrown away I or  it could be just an old  a couple I see Waking arm in arm together looking very  happy in  each other’s company and then the film  shorts to a children’s film and these examples are cumulatively are a very good reason  why i Think I need to be occupied all of the time  such as  I need to be  constantly doing new things , because I am just so bored of  myself – I  have  come to the rather depressing existential realisation that I am stuck with myself  and he is bloody boring  and sure there are numerous reasons for this such as I am just grieving for my past life  but you know what knowing  the  reason is distinctly bloody unhelpful when you are in the midst of dealing with it all
it is a bit like  being trapped and drowning in  a  sinking boat and knowing that there are  other  people who are also trapped – well having not been ever in this position thankfully , i cannot believe it would be in any way be useful information to know

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