Personality My day today so I know I should be happy because I get up in the morning unsurprisingly enough and then I do my exercise during the day and obviously his is all followed with a fantastic coffee, and a piece of cake in one of the numerous cafes that exist in faifornia but such is the regularity of my day that I am just getting bored of my life because I want to have a purpose where I am helping people and working in a team where i I am using my dam bowl of porridge , for something remotely useful and for what it is supposed to be used for as opposed to just sitting round taking the piss out of my desperately homosexual Scarers thre is Mr dover also known as ben and I will leave you to work out why I call ben Mr. Dover
sure i must be the fittest cripple in the cripple park and I am repeatedly told that I need to stop calling myself a cripple but like most Australians I call a spade a spade and if something is not working 100% then it is buggered or worse and given the myriad of issues i have been left with I still must be just that and this gets me to my next interesting point which is all relative I can hear you say because by saying next i am making the massive assumption that there was a single point in the last diatribe that was at least interesting assuming you have not exsanguinated from your wrist slitting yet or are still awake; so to get to my next point I do find it interesting that although I am superficially enjoying myself at the ,moment , and I am also told that I should have a self confidence that should be sky high at rhe moment after all I have been trough to get to where I am just now: now but alI I can remember are all of the low moments that have happened with monotonous regularity ; such as the months and months I had to be supervised doing anything such as just standing up from a chair now this was also something i was achieving but very precariously , and I had a succession of near paediatric carers who were in my home and refused to let me stand up without asking for their permission , first and can you imagine what this did for my confidence having these tiny well-meaning tiny people in my house; telling me that I could and cannot do after all i was a consultant in the NHS as opposed to being a consultant wearing my jeans around my knees ) , whilst trying to Lok cool and a self-important consultant in mobile phone sales )
and chewing gum incessantly with far too much hair gel on or what I now call (turd polish because there is s this joke going around that one cannot polish a turd and that is exactly what I felt I was doing with my hair gel- I was just trying to polish the turd which was me )
and oh yes there was the time when i was in hospital with hydrocephalus – because my shunt was not working properly now hydochephalus is a condition where essentially one has a soggy brain because there is too much fluid on the brain and one of the signs of this is unsteady gait and also another sign was urinary incontinence – which I also had and one morning was put in to these adult sized nappy’s and low and behold my father in law was due to come up that day as well to meet me in my giant sized nappy- well I am pretty sure this was not the sole purpose of his visit : now my father in law would politely be called landed gentry and often wrestled with the thorny question is it better to be upper middle class or lower upper class and not for the first or last time I was absolutely mortified
but now my happiness is only superficial because I do not have an overarching role at the momrnt other than trying to find job: I need a sense of purpose; where I am doing something useful for other people and it is this need of a role that is the strongest in my personality and our personality is a combination of parts that are external to us and others are internal the external are factors , where someone else is giving you a sense of achieving something ( akin to getting a medal in a sport but the internal factors are those feelings one gets when one has run a very good race and one knows that there was nothing else that one could have done ) and to put this in a non-sporting context such as helping someone and they give you some gratitude and the internal parts are the pleasure one gets from completing a the task well and I do think that I need to be able to do again because otherwise I feel I have been effectively salvaged for essentially nothing- now whilst we are on the subject of personality, I would describe myself as being confident not arrogant all or over confident ; in that I would say a better description of me could be be related to the snow in Cornwall which rarely happens and the forecasters have been widely predicting this and there are some people who lament the fact that they have not gone out end got their snow chains in their car boots , and I would just go around driving , but perhaps carefully perhaps, because what is one-man’s careful is perhaps another ,man’s recklessness
– except i feel I must put in a plug for Aristotle and his philosophy of virtue, which is still so very relevant for the 21st century ; and with my journey of hell i must thank my scarers who although i love to take the piss out of them I do love them but not in a way that they would want me to and virtue I also feel that I am a relatively decent person sand although I say the odd controversial thing or two it is more just to see the reaction in other people , than any deep seated personality flaw or underlying psychotic tendency
