The Triathalon Begins-August 4th, 2012 This was not going to play out well. Why did I have to do a triathlon on my wife’s birthday? But it was the local triathlon, and it would have seemed a shame not to take part. I’d been involved in helping to organise it, and I’d be back by one … Continue reading The Triathalon Begins→
the triathlon begins-August 4th, 2012 This was not going to play out well. Why did I have to do a triathlon on my wife’s birthday? But it was the local triathlon, and it would have seemed a shame not to take part. I’d been involved in helping to organise it, and I’d be back by one … Continue reading the triathlon begins→
Australia and Glasgow knives and liv-Ironically it was on an intensive care ward round as a trainee physiotherapist that I first realised I wanted to be a doctor because I asked the person in charge of the trainees what the liver function tests were that the doctors were all talking about and this chap rather condescendingly said to me ‘don’t … Continue reading Australia and Glasgow knives and liv→
rehab-Right: now ,I know my physical rehab has finished and despite that I still have my huge perceptual problems such as when I am manoeuvring between chair s in a restaurant, and as well there is the lack of any sensation in my hand which makes; having any dexterity impossible because I need to be … Continue reading rehab→
walking and scarrers-There are things I think of to drive me on: Like A time when a friend of Liv’s and mine from Glasgow came down to stay and I fell over the table. In the old days he would have said, ‘Get up you clumsy fuck!’ But now he was being so kind to me, so … Continue reading walking and scarrers→
the end of formal rehab- The End of Rehab Right now, I know my physical rehab has pretty much finished, even though I still have huge perceptual problems such as when I am manoeuvring between chairs in a restaurant. There is also the lack of any sensation in my hand which makes any dexterity impossible because I need … Continue reading the end of formal rehab→
My day today-We come back home for lunch. Food is one of the few pleasures that remain to me, which is why I have to be careful what I eat. Liv tells me I have to lose weight to make it easier for me to move around – she’s right, and there was one concision where I … Continue reading My day today→
the tortuous road to recovery- i gues my rehab truely began with a Rehab place in Bristol my parents lived in Bristol in a flat- and they had come all the way over from Australia to rent a flat just so they could be close to their errant son and heir I remember distinctly coming home from Bristol … Continue reading the tortuous road to recovery→
walking and scarers- There are things I think of to drive me on, like the time when a friend of Liv’s and mine down from Glasgow to stay and I fell over the table. In the old days he would have said, ‘Get up you clumsy fuck!’ But now he was being so kind to me, … Continue reading walking and scarers→
ruderless at sea-My god I feel so rudderless out at sea on an ocean of self-doubt and uselessness and I do not see what more I can do to get a job , because I used to love my work it had everything I could want from work; where I was providing a useful help to [people, … Continue reading ruderless at sea→
virtual reality and mermory-interesting things that I have come across from my recovery such as memory. Now it is incredible that we do not even know what a memory is – I mean for a painting that we all remember such as the Mona Lisa is it like a series of pixels? like a digital photo graph and … Continue reading virtual reality and mermory→
personality-Personality My day today so I know I should be happy because I get up in the morning unsurprisingly enough and then I do my exercise during the day and obviously his is all followed with a fantastic coffee, and a piece of cake in one of the numerous cafes that exist in faifornia but … Continue reading personality→
stroppy teenager-fitness again, right now I am feeling like a stroppy teenager who has come off the football field having missed two kicks at goal and in a fit of pique throws his football boots on to the ground looking at them somewhat accusatory and this is exactly how I feel but it is not my … Continue reading stroppy teenager→
Australia and Glasgow knives and liv-Ironically it was on an intensive care ward round as a trainee physiotherapist that I first realised I wanted to be a doctor because I asked the person in charge of the trainees what the liver function tests were that the doctors were all talking about and this chap rather condescendingly said to me ‘don’t … Continue reading Australia and Glasgow knives and liv→
poetry-Good bye a tear in my eye my bags are packed this hurts me more than you will ever know goodbye my friend I remember the good times they all seem so long ago look after the kids I know you will I just am so sorry to have left you so it was not … Continue reading poetry→
time-TIME I am deeply intrigued by time as a concept that I wonder our time on this planet is just so brief, and I do wonder when and if I ever have a meaningful job – I will feel the march of time so constant or relentless and is it our arrogance or self-importance that … Continue reading time→
tiredness-the worst thing I think well, almost the worst thing because there are too many to list amongst the myriad of issues I have been left with a huge bag of issues a veritable black African lesbian amputee of issues or grmaine greer on a bad day of issues is the tiredness because my tiny … Continue reading tiredness→
primadonnas-Now I must admit that i never thought Running would be something that I ever thought that I would be writing about with my recovery which just goes to show you all how long it has taken me to get anywhere near better. And I am still struggling to do even this but by god … Continue reading primadonnas→
MA in marriage-Now I am trying not think about this too much but I cannot help, it but I feel I am in such emotional distress in that my life has been always been dedicated to having a job where-by I am helping other people and more importantly there is a career path with a ladder essentially … Continue reading MA in marriage→
distress MA in marriage- MA in marriage Now I am trying not to think about this too much but I cannot help, it I feel I am in such emotional distress, in that my life has always been dedicated to having a job where-by I am helping other people and more importantly there is a career path with … Continue reading distress MA in marriage→
aGE-Now I am paranoid of getting older in that I feel I am having to start all over again and I have been given so much less time to do it in and for instance I am not 20 years old anymore and I have dependants and it seems so do others in that their … Continue reading aGE→
age-Now I am paranoid of getting older in that I feel I am having to start all over again and I have been given so much less time to do it in and for instance I am not 20 years old anymore and I have dependants and it seems so do others in that their … Continue reading age→
DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS-death by a thousand cuts now I have had to endure my wife and family leaving me and in a process of leaving me in stages snd a series of interminable steps because my brain made a goldfish look smart because i had less than a three a three second memory and i am told … Continue reading DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS→
existential boredom-goodness I have just become so soppy and so sensitive because I see hidden meaning in everything that I see such as when I see a van driving by with a sign on it from an area where my old hospital was and this makes me think of my old life i have just thrown … Continue reading existential boredom→
existential boredom-i am just so buggered in that I have just become so soppy and so sensitive because I see hidden meaning in everything such as when I see a van driving by with a sign on it from an area where my old hospital was or it could be just an old a couple I … Continue reading existential boredom→
existential boredom-My goodness I am just so buggered in that I have just become d so soppy and so sensitive because I see hidden meaning in everything I see and hear such as when I see a van driving by with a sign on it from an area where my old hospital was or it could … Continue reading existential boredom→
EXISTENTIAL BOREDOM-My goodness I am just so buggered in that I have just become so soppy and so sensitive because I see hidden meaning in everything I s see and hear such as when I see a van driving by with a sign on it from an area where my old hospital was or it could … Continue reading EXISTENTIAL BOREDOM→
marvellous mediocrity-now sure I have gone from being a vegetable or a Brussel sprout to being a relatively normal appearing and acting independent adult and i am also quite regularly asked why I have managed to recover so far but I answer them that I do not think I have recovered that far I still see … Continue reading marvellous mediocrity→
n Australian with finesse??!!!- Now I have had my cosy limping bubble well and truly pricked just now , so I have been blithely going about my day pretty much being able to do most things – which let’s be honest they are no great feats of athleticism they are just running and walking to my next piece … Continue reading n Australian with finesse??!!!→
tennis-Now I have had my cosy limping bubble well and truly pricked just now , so I have been blithely going about my day pretty much being able to do most things – which let’s be honest they are no great feats of athleticism they are just running and walking to my next piece of … Continue reading tennis→
racing to stand still-now sure I have gone from being a vegetable or a Brussel sprout to being a relatively normal appearing and acting independent adult and I am also quite regularly asked why or how I have managed to recover so far but I answer them that I do not think I have recovered that far : … Continue reading racing to stand still→
time and meritocracy-Time and Meritocracy now I find time is such an interesting concept in that sure it is necessary to mark the passage of something or the development of something and the easiest way to do this is with time and the passage of time; but time seems to be contingent on what we are … Continue reading time and meritocracy→
bike riding scarers and helmets-riding a bike i am finding extremely difficult but i guess when one thinks about it that it is hardly surprising because when I am walking or just standing I am feeling like I am being pulled over and towards my left and backwards then I guess it is hardly surprising I am finding riding … Continue reading bike riding scarers and helmets→
death by a thousand cuts-death by a thousand cuts now I have had to endure my wife and family leaving me and in a process of leaving me in stages snd a series of interminable steps all on view by a scarer and there is my dam brain injury that seems to leave me incapable of looking like i … Continue reading death by a thousand cuts→
chicken eggs and friends-and loved ones Now almost not a single day goes by when I do not count myself lucky for all of my friends because they have each and everyone of them have all been instrumental in helping me to find me and these people are not just my friends from before my accident and they … Continue reading chicken eggs and friends→
luck?? and friends- Now I may well be going against all that I have said recently regarding my friends but I do not believe in luck lat all. I just believe there is a tremendous amount of work one does prior to an opportunity coming along so that when it does you are in the best position … Continue reading luck?? and friends→
personhood-Personhood , now as we wrestle with our thorny questions of self and virtual; reality and artificial intelligence I cannot help, but be reminded of my father in-law wrestling with his equally vexing question: is it better to be upper middle class or lower upper class and as we all race towards dementia all we … Continue reading personhood→
loss-i do not think I properly grieved for my wife and my family that I lost and some one else came along that I met whom i felt would have been perfect for me , and she has said in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in me and I know it is … Continue reading loss→
chickens and eggs and friends-and loved ones Now almost not a single day goes by when I do not count myself lucky for all of my friends because they have each and every one of them have all been instrumental in helping me to find me and these people are not just my friends from before my accident and … Continue reading chickens and eggs and friends→
first world problems and balance-For literally everything is ,making me feel angry and it can just be the fact that my sister is running late because she has a meeting or it can be that my scarer has not overtaken a slower driver in the car or that my supper has not turned d out well or that … Continue reading first world problems and balance→
-Now I do not know how long I am going to be living in this living hell where I can pretty much do everything but it is so inelegant as much as any Australian can be described as Being elegant and lacks any spontaneity such that I had my kids over to stay for the … Continue reading →
still schizophrenic and postural sway-schizo now apparently it is all quite normal to have a barely imperceptible sway and so it goes that for me my imperceptible has become almost overwhelming and it is this that makes m feel like I am walking on a tight rope and I cannot really describe it, it just feels that I sm … Continue reading still schizophrenic and postural sway→
Andrew A.D.-A NEW ME My god I am just so broken and although I have been given a second chance I just feel so broken and so removed from my previous life .and my new life as andrew AD is certainly not off to a flyer and I have found a chance at a new career, … Continue reading Andrew A.D.→
mental health-h yes I sm repeatedly told how well I have done having gone from vegetable to a nearly independent adult in 6 years but I just do not see it because all I can see are the 6 years(years), that have been taken from me and my family and also that despite how well I … Continue reading mental health→
bipolar perhaps??!!!-Am I forever to be defined by my mistake ; by god I guess I am going to be thus but I am just fighting so hard to ensure my family will not be defend by my mistake as well and I sometimes just find myself so removed from their lives ,and all chances of … Continue reading bipolar perhaps??!!!→
is it me or was it me?-me and once again I find myself questioning how lucky I am in that I have been given the chance to literally reinvent myself and I am making it sound like it was a great opportunity to be able o to reinvent myself but I can assure you it was one that I most certainly … Continue reading is it me or was it me?→
bravery-have been amazed at the number of incredibly brave people I have come across and it has made me completely reappraise my definition of what bravery is and it is not what one has had to contend with that makes a person brave and neither is it the manner of how we conceal them or … Continue reading bravery→
a greater good-to all intents and purposes i had a great day yesterday in that I went for a run And a swim and met some friends on the beach and yet I cannot seem to shake this feeling of being useless and rudderless I need a higher purpose a greater good that I need to be … Continue reading a greater good→
parlous busking-i am just so paranoid of being just another fucker, sad and divorced and lonely and once gain I am acutely aware of sounding incredibly arrogant here by not really having anything to distinguish me from anyone else in the same parlous situation , but why should there be anything to distinguish me, but my … Continue reading parlous busking→
a message from my friend-as a survivor of a serious head injury, you are an absolute walking miracle, a true testament to your perseverance, motivation and unwavering courage. Never ever loose sight of the enormity of how far you’ve come. Those of us around you have been amazed to witness each victory however small on this marathon journey. And … Continue reading a message from my friend→
Bd brusel sprout-freel i have lost t so much of just being able to sit down and be content – not ecstatic just content I think I have given up on that ecstatic feeling ever again which is a great shame sand I think it is my lack of contentment that is the root cause of my … Continue reading Bd brusel sprout→
i am an air head-is my lack of contentment that is the root cause of my general unhappiness with my current parlous state of existence because all things considered I have come quite a long way I remember the occupational therapist e getting me an enormous automatic inflatable double bed sized thing for me with a great deal of … Continue reading i am an air head→
a dodgy Brussel sprout-c This is what I feel I have lost so much ojust being able to sit down and be content – not ecstatic just content I think I have given up on that ecstatic feeling ever again which is a great shame sand I think it is my lack of contentment that is the root … Continue reading a dodgy Brussel sprout→
endless uncertainty-Endless uncertainty I am getting so down at the lack of any opportunity to discover anything new and the waking up each morning or going to bed each evening just hoping the next day will bring something new to do with my life so perhaps I should be calling this endless certainty – but I … Continue reading endless uncertainty→
sheer terror-i have pangs of guilt and remorse that I am becoming accustomed or accepting of my straightened times, up until now I have been literally fighting all of my obstacles , and I am so worried that I am just losing the battle to win or the impetus to win where victory would be a … Continue reading sheer terror→
hopeles old romantic-romantic or just hopeless I spent last night with my daughter watching mamma mia And all I could think about was how my life has been thrown away by myself in that I do not have anyone else to think of other than myself and As much as my kids are so important to me … Continue reading hopeles old romantic→
wrist slitting-do not know but I have lost everything that has any meaning for , or to me i.e my family and my vocation and my personhood I think and despite me feeling like my old self I am told I am not me And still I have to be upbeat despite my world having been … Continue reading wrist slitting→
wrist slitting-I do not know but I have lost everything that has any meaning for , or to me i.e my family and my vocation and my personhood I think and despite me feeling like my old self I am told I am not me And still I have to be upbeat despite my world having … Continue reading wrist slitting→
the devil and the deep blue sea-years- 6 years I have been stuck like this a lesser human and I say this lesser human because I am still so far from where I was physically and life for me is all about ,moving forwards and still I am waking up every morning and going to my kitchen to shake the living … Continue reading the devil and the deep blue sea→
mental attitude-My mental state – well I guess s this is an improvement to admit that i may even have a mental state; but it would take me just four letters to make the word to describe ,my mental state well lets call it six letters to make the word an adjective in the past tense … Continue reading mental attitude→
cycling and the metal head-Cycling now I previously said I think life should be a linear process where by one has to constantly move forwards and in that direction there can be no turning back which is why I am so determined to get myself better and remotely near to my previous physical state and also I am learning … Continue reading cycling and the metal head→
i am just like water-I am just like water and certainly not that i am anything pure or clear or unambiguous but i am nothing interesting or intoxicating and I do wonder if this is why I find myself so boring and as a plumber once said to me to me that when you have a leak the water … Continue reading i am just like water→
a new life-I am told that I can appear r to be too negative or dwelling on all of the things that have happened to me as a result of my accident and there are two things I would like to say about this but it is definitely a case of ALL of the things, as opposed … Continue reading a new life→
-GHANDHI INTRODUCTION: Can one be an inspiration doing nothing at all? well, I suppose the title to this blog piece is the answer to this question but it is All I feel I am doing just now but not for any great political cause but by nature of my necessity and my friends regularly tell … Continue reading →
balance-Balance , now this is really my bogey man the elephant in the room now I know this must sound ridiculous but also this is such an interesting metaphor to use because I wonder what my subconscious is Saying to me because I certainly used to be a bit of an elephant when I weighed … Continue reading balance→
my ‘new’ arm-y My, new, arm even now despite it being many years since I have had some movement in my left arm I am still constantly amazed or, at the very least constantly pleased that I have two arms and every time I get to use my left arm I sort of smile to myself that … Continue reading my ‘new’ arm→
the tiny small insignificant victories-The new me now I alluded to this in my last post titled my new arm and i said that I had lots of tiny and relatively significant victories. now the reason why I consider them insignificant because they really are not that special for anyone else and indeed if they are viewed on their … Continue reading the tiny small insignificant victories→
oxygen tents and sundials-years now I Would not have anticipated that it would have taken nearly 7 years to get back to this pint now do not laugh but I am signed -up to do a half marathon today and it is in Falmouth today and this is it is not exactly renowned for its savannahesque wide open … Continue reading oxygen tents and sundials→
the mole and the massive cow pat-An apology Now for anyone I have offended with my blog such as using the term cripple to describe myself but I hasten to add it is me who I am describing and you pl must please renumber I essentially went to bed slightly nervous about the triathlon the following day and I was married … Continue reading the mole and the massive cow pat→
The massive fly swat and tennis-Tennis Now I am trying to play tennis again and sure enough it seems to get all of my weak points in that there is my left arm which along with not having a lot of sensation in it . and also my left arm could not fight its way out of a wet Paper … Continue reading The massive fly swat and tennis→
i do not want to just exist-now I am a very hard task master partly because I can remember exactly how easy I found it to do things such as tennis and now I am finding it so difficult, And I am really trying so very hard to not get too down about it all because sure I can hopefully do … Continue reading i do not want to just exist→
i have finally escaped-I have escaped I am finally reading a book and I have left the cage of me or my prison long behind – I know this is not exactly revolutionary depending on the choice of book but it is very significant for me, because for all too long or even for the entire length of … Continue reading i have finally escaped→
team work-me how much of our life is team work and by that I am not talking about a 15 man rugby team : I am talking about the moments that we share with others to get us by or through our day and it is this shared sense of responsibility ; that I really miss … Continue reading team work→
buddhism-i have just come back from Holiday in Australia trying desperately to live in the moment But it is my lack of contentment that I feel so keenly and I cannot Work out is it what I have lost or what I. STILL I do not have and I can tell you it is not … Continue reading buddhism→
searching FOR ME-Both metaphorically and quite literally I feel I am just old news now and i do not seem to be able to speed anything up other than the rapid march of time, and I went to lunch today with my family and liv asked me if I would ever give up on my search for … Continue reading searching FOR ME→
i am an aechaeologist-I have been told or at least my family was told that I cannot or could or would not be able to summarise anything or assimilate information or distinguish the main point from a paragraph or a set of information. And, neither would I be able to retain information long enough to do these things … Continue reading i am an aechaeologist→
lets hear it for men-Lts hesr it for men Now given everything that is swirling around in the news at the moment and the social media given feminism and the LGBT movement , well you may be mistaken To think men are truly subservient or worse of secondary importance as opposed to being the glue tht sticks everything together … Continue reading lets hear it for men→
do not look back-Living with and living through and i have lived through the trauma but now I am living with it well unsurprisingly it is the latter that is by far the worst and there is the long interminable . continuance of a life that I just do not think I should be living but worse than … Continue reading do not look back→
not everyone is perfect-Not everyone is perfect not everyone remembers everything every time. and there are times when everyone forgets their mug of coffee and i have been thinking each of these small slip ups are emblematic of my brain injury and not everyone remembers everything very time and do I not know that given … Continue reading not everyone is perfect→
wistful contemplation-Wistful contemplation Is this all a human life is?: can it be just reduced to wistful contemplation because. sure, I have clearly not died i am pretty certain there are no such things as ghosts well certainly not ones that can type. I guess I am feeling like that is all I have now is … Continue reading wistful contemplation→
exercise depression and the spiders web .-Exercise and depression muscles, fat cells, and liver release a variety of molecules into the bloodstream. Some of these molecules which circulate through the body and where they can cross the blood-brain barrier. Once inside, they trigger a cascade of beneficial changes that can make one feel sharper and happier: one crucial change is the … Continue reading exercise depression and the spiders web .→
random compliments-I have been told by a chap in the swimming pool how well, I have done and I do not really know him he is just a chap who has been coming to the pool for quite a while and has indirectly seen my progress that I have made and he said to me that … Continue reading random compliments→
why i stumble so much-Why do I stumble so much I think I have cracked why I stumble so much because I am still stuck with my buggered body/. as if any more proof were needed, that I am still buggered well my body is still, lagging behind my brain and yes I did say that I have … Continue reading why i stumble so much→
to the lady at tescos in falifornia- To the lady from Tesco’s at Falmouth. this is an excellent example of how my brain is still buggered. now there was this incredibly vivacious lady working in Tesco’s at Pendennis point or what i call penis point . and we were talking about my style of writing. This is also a huge compliment … Continue reading to the lady at tescos in falifornia→
the march of time and work updated-The The PROBLEM OF TIME is twofold for me firstly there is my sense of mortality and; then more immediately I sincerely hope because I d not want to die just yet . there is my’ nothing time’ or what i l Call my retirement; now for me this has not been something that I … Continue reading the march of time and work updated→
am i really this boring?-am I really that boring one of my greatest concerns has been since my accident is that I have become huge anchor on my family and friends, and I remember being the life and soul of a party; sand one of my so called very good friends i.e. my brother in-law said to me to … Continue reading am i really this boring?→
